It’s essay season, and you’re staring at a blank page on your laptop, fingers positioned on the keyboard, ready to type. You've got some fantastic ideas and stories, but the moment you begin clicking away, here come the voices:
"Be sure to sound mature and professional."
"Leave out the part about last summer’s camp!"
"Don’t forget to tell them how smart you are."
If you’re a high school senior getting ready to write your college application essay, this scenario is probably hitting close to home. It’s nerve-wracking enough that you have to write an essay that could make or break your future…now with the pressure of including your parents’ (and others!) opinions, getting started at all can seem like an insurmountable challenge.
That’s why it’s important to remember that your application essay is about you; not your mother, father, or your cool uncle who takes you out for a pizza once in a while. No, it’s your moment to shine and represent yourself, so focus on getting their voices out of your head and start trusting your own. Here are some tips on how to get there:
1. Learn how to recognize the parental little birdie on your shoulder
Half of the battle is recognizing when you're hearing your parents’ voices instead of your own thoughts. Most teens have a "parental birdie" sitting on their shoulder telling them things their parents say. It’s normal, and let’s be real, sometimes parents’ advice can be terrific. But at the end of the day, your little birdies aren’t applying to college. You are.
Whenever you hear that little birdie in your ear saying, “Are you sure you want to write about that?" or "That topic seems a bit risky," it’s time to take a break and ask yourself: who’s voice is this, mine or my parents’?
2. Acknowledge your family‘s values—but don’t let them take the lead
Our families play an indispensable role in shaping us, so it’s natural that their values will show up in our writing. That’s great! Hopefully, your parents raised you to be a kind, hardworking, and persistent person; those are awesome traits to highlight in your essay. But if their values are swaying you to write about something you don’t feel a relationship with, it may be necessary to push back a bit.
Sensitivity to family expectations is often awkward, especially when you know they have strong opinions about your future. After all, they’re likely involved with at least part, if not all, of the financial responsibility of sending you on to higher education. But you can achieve a balance that remains true to your experiences, even when they don’t perfectly align with your parents’ expectations.
For example, perhaps you want to write about how your love of music helped you overcome a tough time, but your parents think writing about your academic achievements is a safer bet. This is your story, so while it’s perfectly acceptable to give a nod to your family’s values, never forget that the admissions officers will want to learn more about you through your admission essay.
3. Set Boundaries—Even in Your Head
In your day-to-day interactions with your parents, setting boundaries might mean kindly explaining: “I appreciate your advice, but I need to figure this out on my own." The same idea can apply in your head.
When you sit down to write, try to imagine a physical fence around your thoughts. Don’t let the voices of your parents (or teachers or friends) break through the boundary. If it helps, try setting a timer for 30 minutes and committing to writing without overthinking what anyone else might say. Let the words flow. You can always edit later. The key is to be true to yourself as you’re writing.
4. Trust Your Gut
Nobody knows you better than you know yourself. So, when you think about a topic to write about, ask yourself if it excites you and if it feels authentic. That little feeling in your gut of “Yes, this is it!” is the best indication that you’re on the right track.
And even if your essay topic isn’t exactly what your parents might have chosen, that’s okay! Colleges want to hear your story—what makes you tick, what you’re passionate about, and how you see the world. So, if writing about your love for gardening feels more meaningful than writing about your academic awards, go with it. Trust your instincts—they’re often right, and admissions boards will appreciate the authenticity.
5. The Art of Compromise
OK, what I just explained is the ideal scenario. But sometimes it’s unavoidable that your parents will want to help, even if their advice feels cumbersome. If they’re hellbent on being involved in your essay, you can try the art of compromise. Show them your draft, but make it clear that while you’re open to suggestions and feedback, the final decision on what to write should be yours.
6. Be Sensitive, But Don’t Sugarcoat the Reality
Some of us have experiences that are tough to write about, especially if they involve sensitive family dynamics. Maybe your essay makes a reference to a difficult time that your family went through, or perhaps you want to share something about your family’s experiences that don’t reflect the picture-perfect childhood your parents might want you to portray.
It’s okay to be sensitive to these issues, but don’t sugarcoat your story. If you believe a certain memory or struggle has shaped who you are, don’t avoid mentioning it someone else might be uncomfortable. This is your essay—it’s okay to come clean about the good, the bad, and the ugly—it’s what makes your story unique.
Always Be Yourself, Today and Tomorrow
Your admission essay shouldn’t only be about who you are now, it should also lend a glimpse into your future. After all, you’re embarking on one of the most exciting new chapters in your life—your essay should touch on aspects of your future growth, passions, and dreams. Always remember to write about the person you want to become for yourself.
When you let go of the parental voices in your head and trust your own, you'll be able to write an essay that's not just authentic, but also uniquely you.
That’s precisely what colleges are looking for!
Comments